Why People Become ‘Swingers’

Nobody knows exactly when the swinger’s community started, but as far as my research finds, swinging reached its peak after the sexual revolution of the 1960s. “Oh, these kinky hippies!” you might think.

As I discovered, swinging was popular among those with money and influence, but nowadays,  it is just about anyone interested in an open relationship with their partner. 

Yet, it seems the lifestyle itself, is still very secretive, despite the fact that you can find clubs and events on the internet.

How do people get involved in swinging?  What pushes them to try it?
 Does it happen due to boring sexual routines with their partner?
 Are they looking for adrenaline rush?  Maybe, they are testing their sexual limits (what makes them feel safe/comfortable)?

Or, perhaps it’s simply just a curiosity. I spoke with Tatiana, an active member of the swinging community to get a little glimpse into this secretive lifestyle.

JM:  Could you tell us about your first time and what inspired you to try it out?

TATIANA: Sure!

JM:  How long have you been an active swing member?

TATIANA:    It’s been a  little over 4 years since my first experience.

JM: How did you get involved in swinging?

TATIANA: My ex-boyfriend is a swinger. On our first date, he told me about it and I got interested. My first time was with my ex.

JM:  Did you do any research before you started?

TATIANA:  No!  I went all head in because I trusted my boyfriend.

JM:  What were your fears? When did you decide it’s time for the adventure?

TATIANA:  I was thinking that I’ll have to fuck everybody and that I”d  be attacked by horny men, but, that was not the case.  

I was curious and willing to see what happens at a swingers’ party.   My ex-boyfriend asked me if I wanted to join him at an upcoming party and of course, I agreed.

JM: Where did the event take place?

TATIANA:  It started at an open-minded people party in our area and when it was over we went for the after party (swingers party) to a private apartment.  I remember entering the place and seeing mattresses placed on the floor and thinking “Oh boy”.   The place was not spacious.   I remember people were fucking and touching other couples, with their hands or bumping them with their heads accidentally!

JM:  Had you met any of the couples prior to this?

TATIANA:  No.  I had no idea how many people would be there, but I knew some friends of my boyfriend would be. I trusted him completely. And, I knew I didn’t like it, we would leave.

JM: How was your first time? What were you feeling the first time?

TATIANA: I was very excited.  It was the first date! I was like a girl in a candy store! Just instead of candies, I could pick sweet bodies!

It was very unusual to see others fucking and walking in front of me naked, without any shame.

Seeing threesomes and hearing noises like in a porn movie, was overwhelming.

I thought before going, that since it was my first time, I would only be an observer; I would not have sex with anyone, only my boyfriend.  But, being next to other people who were participating, just did it for me and I got horny from the erotic atmosphere!  I was horny from seeing other people fucking in front of me! How exciting is that! I couldn’t hold on and let my boyfriend’s male friend joined us. I lay in the middle of them and they start playing with my nipples. Both of them! But I had no desire to go further, that was more than enough for me for the first time.  My heart was beating so fast!  I will have memories forever about that night.

JM: Did the first time exceed your expectations? What were your feelings and thoughts afterward? Any regrets?

TATIANA: No regrets.  I kept on going to these parties and building up a stash of nice memories only – like holy fuck, I’ve been there! I have done it! And the memories popping up in my head like pictures from the scenes.

JM: What values has the swinging experience added to your life?

TATIANA: Well, I would say I am gaining more confidence with myself, after every experience. I am lucky to get to know other open- minded people. Not crazy ones as I imagined at the beginning, but sophisticated upscale couples. Nice people in general.

JM:  Do you believe in polygamy? Is it something what you interested?

TATIANA: Yes and yes.  I believe such a relationship could work when you really get along with a couple and have fun together, exploring your sexual boundaries and possibilities.  You need to be more than friends and be able to color your sex routine without labeling it  “cheating”.

JM: Did you gain any close friends or it’s strictly a sex only thing with no emotional attachment involved?

TATIANA: Of course you get friends! And they become very close friends because you build up a different relationship. It feels like you have known each for a long time. You can joke, talk different topics, share experiences that others won’t understand. They become your very good friends, like partners in crime. They don’t look at you like you are a crazy nymphomaniac.  You meet up not only for a fuck date but also other activities like BBQs, movies, etc.  Well you know, the usual stuff.

JM:  When you attend a party, how do you pick a couple? Do you look for people the same age range as you, people you are physically attracted or does it matter since it’s just a sex thing?

TATIANA:  It matters, at least for me.  If I am horny, I want to have sex with an attractive looking couple or attractive women, and, we both, my boyfriend and I, have to like them/her.

JM:  Is there anything special you do to get ready for a party?  Does it require any special preparation, physically and/or mentally?  Do you invest into gorgeous lingerie and stilettos then and now?

TATIANA: It’s always nice to wear a nice outfit.  Do you get it for the special occasion only? Not really.  For me, there is no mental preparation.   A sex party is like any other party, with a possibility ending up in the bed at the end.

JM: Your advice for first timers.

TATIANA: Take it easy. You can be an observer only the first time and nobody will look strange at you. You don’t have to perform or do something that’s against your boundaries.  A lot of people come to sex parties, just to be in that atmosphere, to get aroused and sexually inspired by watching others fucking.

JM: Any last thoughts?

TATIANA: I’m 31.  Happy to have discovered the swingers lifestyle. IIf I had known about it earlier, I’m sure I would have started earlier.