My Life As A Porn Star Husband

In your wildest fantasies, a porn star girlfriend might just blow more than your mind. But what is it like going to bed with a lady who puts out on film for a living? Does it spice up your own sex life? How do you deal with the jealousy? And should you be flattered that, after a hot and heavy day on set, it’s you she climbs into bed with every night?

AskMen spoke to two porn star husbands to find out just what life is like on the wild side.

David is the husband of an adult performer, event organizer and model Zara du Rose; Aaron the partner of punk-rock porn star princess, Joanna Angel. They have an interesting relationship with the adult business through their respective wives. While David was with Zara long before she got into performing, Aaron knew Joanna from her body of work, and today performs alongside her under the stage name ‘Small Hands’.

What were their first impressions of their partners?

For David, who had already been with Zara for six years, and married for two of those, the answer was not surprising. “Pretty good!", he says. “When Zara told me she wanted to go into the adult business, I was pleased. We’d both discussed it numerous times and so when it came to biting the bullet, I actually set up her first profile on Adult Industry Resources.”

For Aaron, Joanna’s reputation preceded her – in the best possible way:

“She was the first porn performer I’d ever hung out with from our first date. She was incredibly well-spoken, had a sharp New York Jewish girl sense of humour and had great (mostly) taste in music. Oh, and she was even more beautiful in person with no makeup on than in any gangbang I had seen her in… and I had seen her in a LOT of them.”

Both admitted that they had been in conventionally monogamous relationships prior to meeting Zara and Joanna, although as David puts it, being comfortable with Zara performing in porn was a natural progression.

“We had always been very kinky and perverted. But there are still some things that we keep back just for us. Emotionally, we are monogamous and do not have relationships with other people. But we will play sexually with others if the time is right.”

Fidelity, meanwhile, has come to mean something different to Aaron since his relationship with Joanna.

“I firmly believe that notions of fidelity, monogamy, intimacy, sexual exploration, boundaries etc should be something that two people come to together on their own with a mutual love, respect and desire for the other's happiness without sacrificing your own. So, yes, we have boundaries, and things we are comfortable/not comfortable with, which may to some be considered very open and to others quite conservative.”

Still, it’s definitely a turn-on when your lover is a porn performer, although, for Aaron, it’s more of an emotional thing:

“I enjoy seeing Joanna happy and getting off, and when she's performing with others I see how happy she looks getting DP'd. It doesn't give me a literal erection per se, but rather a smile. A big ol' 'Fuck yeah, you go Babe!' smile. I love seeing her happy, and when one is orgasming with two penises inside one’s vagina and buttonhole, the look on one’s face is generally what I would define as 'happy'."

Even if it doesn’t provoke jealousy, having your partner work in porn must surely affect the sex in your relationship, though. Right...?

Apparently not. “It doesn’t affect us too much because we were kinky anyway,”

says Dave.

“Although sometimes I wish Zara would wear some of the clothes she wears for shoots at home. Of course, to her they are work clothes!”

For Aaron, the effects have been entirely positive.

“I never had aspirations to be a performer, but a couple of years after we’d gotten together, I ended up doing a few scenes with her and found that it was fun, and we could work on things together as a team. Then, there was a case of a damaged hard drive which meant I actually had to step up to help out in a crisis.”

Obviously, having a wife as a porn star has only improved Aaron’s on-screen performance.

“I learned everything I know from her. She's been the best coach AND practice partner a guy could ask for! So whether I am having reverse cowgirl with a different girl in a porn for Wicked Pictures, or putting it in Joanna's butt for Burning Angel, if I did a good job, I basically have her to thank. And she reminds me all the time. ALL the time…”

But even though David and Aaron are comfortable with their wives’ occupations, what do their families think?

“It took Zara’s mum a long time to get used to it, but she seems ok now that Zara has made a good business doing what she enjoys. But my family don’t know about what Zara does because they are older and wouldn’t understand.”

Aaron agrees:

“My parents did not enjoy hearing the news. I come from a very conservative Christian background (Dad was a preacher) so as you can imagine, Pops is definitely one of those who jumped ship.”

The couples’ friends have given them an easier ride.

As David says,

“Most of my friends know what Zara does because they’re either involved in the sex industry in some way or are generally kinksters! We are pretty open about her career to new people we meet because we have nothing to hide and people are generally very interested.”

Aaron agrees.

“I am very fortunate to have, for the most part, a progressive and sexually open thinking group of family and friends.”

But, says David, the general social stigma remains.

“Zara gets a lot of abuse online from keyboard warriors that can be upsetting.”

And porn isn’t exactly an easy career choice, physically, says Aaron.

“As I’ve spent more and more time performing myself and just being on sets, you figure out quickly that this is a job, and people are there to do their job and it's a tough job! I have gained a ton of respect for ALL porn performers after dipping my toes in the sex pool. It ain't all glitz, glamour and hand jobs.”

Still, Aaron is proud of the experiences they’ve been able to share as a result of Joanna’s unusual career.

“From fucking on cliffs in public in Spain, to having orgies with our friends, to DP-ing Joanna with my buddy Xander Corvus in prosthetic devil horn makeup and full GuyLiner in an airplane hanger, my bucket list was beyond full a long time ago.

“I think if we both could go out with a TRUE bang, we would blow a whole movie budget on licensing a sweet ass song for the movie soundtrack that we could normally never afford. She wants 'The Final Countdown' by Europe and my vote is for 'Red Right Hand' by Nick Cave. We may have to skimp on the catering budget that day.”