Should we be taking masturbation breaks at work?
We dream of a workplace where it’s okay to take naps (in special nap rooms filled with blankets and eye masks, preferably). Where holiday time is unlimited. Where our working hours are flexible.
And it’s all because we believe that, surely, all that stuff will make us happier, better, more creative workers in the long run. Which is probably true. Anything that helps us with a work/life balance, reduces stress and makes the office a more pleasant place to be is likely to be a positive thing. But it might not just be down to holiday time, taking your full lunch break, and napping. Apparently, the next trendy way to make the working day better is the masturbation break.
A recent article by Ravishly declared that ‘fapping is the new smoke break’, describing a quick wank sesh as a brilliant way to ‘boost output and creativity’. And last year, a survey by Guyfi – a masturbation booth popup – found that 40% of workers in New York masturbate while on the job. Work-masturbators praise popping to the toilets for some self-love as the perfect way to take a break from their desks and reduce stress.
But is it actually a good idea for your workplace productivity?
Well, psychologically speaking, yes. Yes, it is.
Mark Sergeant, a senior lecturer in psychology at Nottingham Trent University, told metro.co.uk that a masturbation break would be ‘very effective at work’, describing it as a ‘great way to relieve tension and stress.’
He also thinks that masturbation breaks could be a great form of self-motivational reward, giving workers something to look forward to as a reward for getting everything on their ‘to do’ list ticked off.
Psychologist and life coach Dr. Cliff Arnall agrees.
‘I would expect a masturbation policy to result in more focus, less aggression, higher productivity, and more smiling,’ he told us.
‘Certainly taking a masturbation break for boredom or an escape would increase work focus.’
Dr. Arnall’s main concerns are to do with timing and whether or not you’ll be able to orgasm. He points to the possibility of increased frustration if you’re unable to come, as well as the pressure of needing to get off quickly on your lunch break. There’s also the risk that introducing sexual gratification to your work day could blur lines and open the door to inappropriate behavior.
Dr. Arnall recommends that masturbation breaks shouldn’t be focused on fantasizing about a colleague
‘this is likely to result in cognitive impairment’
while Dr. Sergeant raises concerns that
‘introducing any form of sexual behaviour to a workplace could be seen as a slippery slope that makes people think that other forms of sexual behaviour, such as those linked to harassment, are more acceptable.’
Essentially, masturbation breaks should only be taken if they’re motivated by stress relief and a genuine desire for a break – not if they’re driven by intense lust. You’ll need to be confident you can orgasm quickly to avoid frustration and actually get the stress-reducing benefits. It’s also wise to make sure you’re able to get off quietly and discreetly, so you’re not making anyone else feel uncomfortable. But if you can manage all of these things, a wank break might actually be a pretty wise idea. It’s healthier than a cigarette break, easier than trying to nap in the loos, and – as long as you orgasm – should leave you feeling happier, less stressed, and more focused. It might be a little tricky to get your boss on board with this hot new working trend, mind you. Masturbation is still seen as a taboo subject, – especially for women – and the idea of workers rubbing one out every time they’re away from their desks is likely to put people on edge.
I asked my boss, Lifestyle Editor Holly Royce, how she’d feel about everyone implementing masturbation breaks into their day. She wasn’t particularly keen.
‘I think it would bother me,’ she said.
‘I can see why it could work in theory… but I can’t imagine it working in practise unless people did it on their lunch breaks, that’s your time and you can do what you want with it. ‘I think it would take too long to come back from a distraction like masturbating and most people can’t come back from a tea break and concentrate properly. I can only imagine the anarchy that masturbation breaks would cause.
Try the pomadoro technique if you need to be more productive and save the masturbating for home.’
That’s us told.
My advice? Try out a wank break on your lunch break and see how it affects you. Giving yourself pleasure shouldn’t be anything to be ashamed of, and I really don’t see how it’s any different to doing a spot of meditation on your break. It’s definitely healthier than smoking, and more helpful than moaning about how annoying your day’s been on the phone to your mom. But if you’re going to try masturbation breaks, I reckon it’s important to really understand who you are and your own working style.
If you’re the type that’s genuinely going to be able to get off quickly and go back to work feeling refreshed and ready to work, great. Do it. But if you’re someone who takes a good hour and a half to get off, sinks into a post-orgasm haze in need of a snooze, or can’t stay focused on getting up for a cup of tea, be honest with yourself and save the self-love for later. It’s the responsible thing to do.