How To Give Her The Best Orgasm Of Her Life
There was once a time when men could act like they didn’t care about giving a woman an orgasm. Why did they get away with that? Fear of female sexuality? Rampant misogyny? Who knows. Fortunately, the tables have turned and not knowing how to make a woman orgasm is like not knowing that you can’t zoom in on Instagram: it’s just totally unacceptable. We contacted a panel of female readers to find out, once and for all, what works and what doesn’t and compacted the information here. Here’s how to give her the best orgasm of her life.
Fingers + tongue. Miranda from Gainesville says: "It’s important to understand, we’re not talking about a tag team here, we’re talking about a double's match. Your fingers and tongue shouldn’t be switching out and taking turns when you go down, they should be working together in unison."
In and out, side to side. Here’s a little more information about the finger tongue combo from Miranda: "Unfortunately, many men are terrible at multitasking so using the fingers and the tongue at the same time is challenging, like trying to pat your head and rub your belly at the same time. You must be sure not to do with your tongue what you do with your fingers. Your fingers pulse in and out. Your tongue waggles side to side."
Top and bottom. Ending our rundown of the finger/tongue combination: "It’s important not to make the mistake so many men make. Don’t try to use your tongue like a penis. It’s a tongue and it has more versatility. It’s also not as big. That’s why your fingers need to stay downstairs and your tongue needs to stay upstairs."
15 minutes. How much time do most men spend on foreplay? If they’re being honest, one to three minutes. How long do women actually need to get warmed up enough to truly enjoy sex? Five times that much. A study found 15 minutes of foreplay is key for giving a woman an orgasm during sex.
No tip. Adeline, a psychic for Georgia says it’s all about cues when it comes to giving a woman an orgasm. “Tips and techniques are a waste of your time. The best tip you can give a guy is no tip at all. If you’re thinking about canned techniques you’re not in the moment and you’re not paying attention to how she’s responding to what you’re doing. That’s most men’s biggest mistake."
Cues. Adeline continues, “It’s all about cues. The reason you need to be at the moment is that she’ll communicate to you everything you need to know, you just have to pay attention. If she’s enjoying what you’re doing, you’ll know, and that means you should keep doing it."
Put on a happy face. Clarissa, a publicist from Arkansas reiterates the same sentiment that many corporate bosses do: ‘It's all about attitude.’ Clarissa writes, "Act like you like it. Don't act like going down is tantamount to descending into the fiery bowels of the Earth. If you act like you're enjoying yourself it makes it so much easier for us to relax and actually enjoy ourselves.”
Enjoy yourself. Clarissa continues, “On the other side of the coin, many women are turned on by turning a guy on. While most of us don’t like to hear a guy let out a sasquatchian roar during sex, a little indication that it’s working for you can be a big help.”
Umm hi. Marybeth from North Carolina has a very important don’t and a do for helping her get off. “Don’t stare at me while we’re having sex or while you’re going down on. I know you want to save the image for your spank bank or whatever but it makes us self-conscious. On the other hand, at the right moment, a quick flash of eye contact can be very sexy and help us along the way to orgasm.”
Pro- tip. Marybeth also wrote in with this gem of advice. “You know how they say gay guys are good at sex because they’re familiar with the equipment? Well, you can use that to your advantage. Just think of the clitoris as the head of your penis. It’s sensitive in the same way. Treat it the way you would like to be treated."
Be careful. So what about pressure? Turns out the head of your penis may be able to withstand a little more than her clitoris. “Too much pressure and it will be your last career,” Marybeth says. So don’t get carried away. It’s not Street Fighter, so don’t mash buttons.
Directions. Mia is an up-and-coming singer who wrote in with a veritable map of the vagina, and directions for what to do when your find your destination: "Tease, tease, tease! Also, most guys underestimate how important direct stimulation to the clitoris is. Whether you’re penetrating her or partaking in a little foreplay, hone in on the upper left part of her clitoris, as it’s a supper sensitive area.”
Dirty talk. She may say she doesn’t like dirty talk, but according to Mia, she’s just fronting. "Dirty talk is a must. It can really set the mood and let a girl know just how much you want her, which can make her want you even more. Don’t just throw out random 'naughty' words, though — compliment her, guide her, let her know how much you love it, etc. Women love that ish.”
Don’t give up on it. Alana is a journalist in New York City who knows her fair share about bad sex. She says that the clitoris is the key to the whole equation, so don’t give up. "The only thing that ever makes me orgasm is oral, I don’t think I’ve ever come from actual penetration, but from my own personal experience writing articles about women and bad orgasms, this is something that most women can probably relate to and has to do with the fact that most women can only come from clitoral stimulation. So I guess my advice would be to focus heavily on ya girl's clitoris & she’ll be a happy gal. "
What have we learned? What are the takeaways from our panel? Oral is absolutely key and you need to put in more time then you’ve already put in. When you do go down, focus on the clitoris, don’t stare and say a naughty word or two while you’re up to it.